mustang

mustang

north america, or at least california, should eliminate automobiles, vans, buses and motorbikes all together. no more cars. we all ride horses.

i was a bit behind schedule this morning when i hopped into the acura and peeled out of the parking garage. out of the parking lot, up the 163, over the 8 and up to the 5 in 4 minutes flat. then up the 5 to la jolla in 5 minutes. but then it’s 7-8 minutes on the la jolla exit ramp, 4-5 minutes through la jolla to the prestigious location of nautilus entertainment design inc. 1-2 minutes to park and another 1 or 2 to walk through the door. so let’s see here…4+5+7+4+1+1 (on a good day) = 22 minute commute with a soundtrack of either bad morning radio, a mix i’ve heard a millionbajillionbazillion times or the sound of the loose belt under the hood chirping like a cricket caught in the patio door.

“if only i was on a sweet morgan or quarter horse. this would be great.” i find myself musing.

“but if there were no cars, how would handicapped kids get about?” you ask
chariots.
next question?

“…moms taking childrens to soccer practice?”
big chariots. or stage coaches.
go on.

“…fat peoples?”
they can walk. they need to walk. okay, fine. big chariots.

imagine the beauty of it: of course we’d still have airplanes  and the technology of instant service, on demand movies, text messaging, nanotechnology and smart phones – all on horseback. i can see myelf right now: racing up the turfway that used to be the 5 north, laptop and makeup kit in my backpack, hair whipping in the wind, ipod strapped on, bugs in my grill and thighs of steel. imagine the new engineering and invention/innovation opportunities involving wheel design, suspension, stagecoach/buggy/chariot design. we’ve even get into the science behind harnessing the power generated by the turning of the wheels (dvd player).

what we’d loose:
built-in gps, satellite radio, cell phone/laptop charger, dvd players, air conditioning

what we’d gain:
more exercise, environmentally sound transportation, chaps, ponies

“but where will we keep all these horses?”
a parking spot is about the same amount of space a horse needs to be stabled in. plus, we’d have to build pastures since horses like to play.

“but what will all the mechanics do?”
work on the buggies and chariots.

“won’t this drive up the price of hay?”
most definitely. however, i kinda doubt hay will get anywhere near $67 a bale. ever.

“um, what about the winter? when it’s effing cold out? or when it’s raining?”
uh, well…let me get back to you on that one.

so then we’d have no more drunk driving, hit n run, carjacking, assholes who refuse to use their turn signals properly or idtiots chatting away on their cell phones. we’d have stables instead of parking garages, vets instead of grease monkeys, tack shops instead of showrooms, ranches instead of detroit, stable hands instead of the dmv –

“whoa! wait. what? no more dmv?! count me in.”

good. then it’s settled. someone get arnold on the phone.